Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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