i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
