I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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