from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
