it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
