Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
