I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Who died my cat blue again?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
