im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i'm inner monologue high
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
