i barfeds in our rink
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
