ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
