new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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