What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
