i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
