I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Its about making memories worth repressing
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
