I look better un-naked...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
