Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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