I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
