I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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