If i come over, it means nothing
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
