remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
