If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
