guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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