You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
