I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
