so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
