Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
