Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
its not stalking. its research.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
