dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
