Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
