OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
