he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
