Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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