Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
