Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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