that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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