you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the day after is always just damage control
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
