i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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