it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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