I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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