just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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