Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
