I think I died a long time ago.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
