I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
