TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
