so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
