I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
