apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
