when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
