My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
