so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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