is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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