Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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