Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
